I remember when I was young and niave. I remember when I was unjaded, and not cynical. I remembered when I was friendly and wanted to love everyone. I fondly remember the times I spent with my mother and whenever we went out people would mistake us for siblings because she looked so young. I remember being baby sat by my aunt and dragging my stuffed animal Redd around the city on my adventures with her.
I remember the times before I knew what misogynoy was, the true reality of being black, the what transphobia was and the times before I even knew being transgender was a reality my reality and that it was not a singular narrative.I remember when I was planning my family with four children and being married by 25. I remember as a child wanting and getting mostly what I wanted. I remember the thrill and loneliness of being an only child. I remember the first time I thought I was in love and the first time I had a crush on my teacher in grade school.
I remember how powerful I felt when I recognized the beauty in my blackness.
I remember excatly what I felt like when I realized I was transgender. I remember how free I felt when I the first day I applied and estrogen patch to my body. I remember how inspired I felt when a little girl told me as I walked through the hall on my first appointment for hormone therapy “look at her mommy I want to be like that when I grow up”
“I remember you, you’re who I used to be you still look the same but you don’t hurt like me” -Jennifer Hudson