As Far As Love 

As far as love is a new mini series within my blog. The series was created to explore and discuss the many topics and experiences trans people and specifically myself go through and cope with. I am so excited but also very anxious about sharing these experiences with all of you. The most difficult part is being so genuine and vulnerable and speaking my unfiltered truth about love. Often when it comes to love I finding it much easier and much more tactful to box up my feelings and put them on a shelf and revisit them if and when there is ever an appropriate time. I got that analogy from Bree Van De Kamp on desperate housewives. Marcia Cross’ character always had so much class and tact and even when being arrested during her own dinner party and her guests asked if there was anything they could do she gracefully asked them to take the mini quiches out of the oven. I know this detail sounds rather unnecessary, but the point is I admired that tact the ability to keep it all together when literally everything was falling apart in a very public way. I wanted to embody my own version of Bree Van De Kamp ESPECIALLY when it comes to love. I know I sort of suffer the strong black woman syndrome. Thinking I have to do it all and be it all and refrain from emotion or showing weakness or pain.My biggest fear in writing this mini series is literally and simply telling the truth about my life As Far As Love.

I realized even with my friends they don’t know much about my love life, no one does. The things they do know are very topical. “I think he’s cute”, “I’ve been talking to this person” etc. And I hate when people talk to me in detail about their sex lives. Not because I looked down on them, but rather because I associate sex with love and it was a deep level of intimacy I had no interest in disclosing or sharing myself. I’m not a 23 year old virgin, but I might as well be because I’m so inexperienced (not at sex necessarily) but at what sex and relationships even mean to me. I know people will probably rebuttal and say sex and relationships are two different things and aren’t necessarily related I will say in my own life they align.

If you haven’t already noticed or this is your first time reading you will see there are lots of musical influences throughout my writing. I will quote various lyrics or sometimes a specific song or set of lyrics will set the tone for my writing. Within this miniseries you will notice this a lot more often. Music helps me explain the feelings more vividly and in some ways cope with a particular situation or issue.

It’s taken me so long to write this because ive had to take so many breaks in order to unpack these feelings which have been stored away for all of my life. Ive lied to myself for so long when it comes to love that it is hard for even I to tell see the truth in my own life but this is my attempt to tell my truth and my story.

This is probably the most intimate yet I have been on The Cis Jungle and I am very anxious but also looking forward to sharing these experiences with my readers. Here is As Far As Love……..

 

Next topic: The Cis White Man; As Far As love

 

 

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