This is my attempt to keep a post under 500 words:
In the past 18 months I’ve lost many friends but three of them being people who I’ve considered to be very close friends. 3 years, 6 years and 9 years are the lengths of those relationships diminished in less than two years. It’s all a part of those growing pains and social transitions we all experience them to some level at varying degrees.
Sometime the endings are ugly and you have to turn to the lyrics of Big Sean to capture the words for you:
Look at my life that’s lessons on lessons on lessons, I treat the beat like it’s a reverend, father forgive me these are my confessions, Man this wasn’t luck it was destined I done lost homies who been with me since Ed, Ed and Eddy who flip like confetti and then when you back they back to call you ‘dog’ that shit can get petty, bitch don’t give no dap to me nigga funny thing about talking behind my back is that it just keep coming back to me nigga, was off for a sec now its bac to me nigga, you mad at me, this ain’t what I want man this what it had to be.”
They did exactly that, flipped like confetti, but I feel blessed. With great things come great responsibilities and life is a cycle of give and take. This is what happens when your essence and being becomes bigger. The people around you recognize it more than you do, and some of them can’t handle it.
Today I am holding a memorial October 31, 2015. I will hold a memorial for those 3 (formerly close) friends lost and relationships failed. This is a rebirth, the month in which I’ve turned a year older, today on Halloween deemed the day of the dead. Today these things die. I am putting these relationships to rest, they have run their course. I am putting to rest the anger, the pain, the hostility the unpleasant memories and I am moving forward. As I burn these photos I will release the negative energy back into the world. My life is moving forward my world and name is growing. I am becoming what I hope it means to be the All American Trans Woman and I sort of like it. I am a lone pioneer redefining realness and taking my own life into my hands and l demanding th space to define myself
Earlier today I was told my life and everyday aura and the way I live my life unapologetically symbolized freedom to them as a trans person. I want to continue to live up to that and I can’t allow those who don’t support me to hold me back.
This second phase of The Cis Jungle has been dark and lonely, but this is the end. The Cis Jungle is changing direction a bit and after spilling my diary for the past several weeks I am going to dive into something new.
Take time this weekend to put to death the negative energy.