Survival 101: self care Part 2

I've honestly never thought about how I managed to survive and provide myself with a metal and physical space to retreat and revive myself. I spend so much time navigating and surviving adversity that I've never truly had the opportunity or luxury of even considering how I make it through life on a day to day basis. Even with my involvement in the LGBTQ community and tremendous personal growth over the past few years I will not deny that I still struggle and I am constantly trying to cope with the world around me. My fluctuating financial state, struggling to understand my identity, oppressions falling into several different minority categories, and searching for higher education. These are just a few of the things that I deal with on a daily basis. I am always under pressure to perform and navigate this world without being as equipped as other privileged groups may be.But I deal with it, I don't blame the world, I don't sit and sulk in my problems because there is no time for that. I get to work because my life is my responsibility, no matter how cruel the world may be, or how many twisted unpredictable and unfair circumstances may arise I power through it because I have no other choice besides death.

The power and influence that fashion and music has in my life is incredible in many ways I feel as if my life and sanity is owed to fashion and music. It's something that I can retreat to in my own privacy. If staying at home alone, blasting the music and undressing and redressing was a career is probably go for it, I feel the most comfortable alone. This is probably how I provide myself with self care, the opportunity to retreat into my own space and enjoy the two things I love the most. Music and fashion allows me to escape into whatever world I want to be in and live in the place of contentment for a limited time, just long enough to refuel me to again face the world and ultimately reality. Gaga's Manicure and Beyonce's Partition,and Rihanna's Bitch Better Have My Money are just a few of the songs that fuel my life. Music encourages me to tap into the most raw and vulnerable and parts of myself. In moments like the present when my mind is going a million miles an hour and the only real downtime I have is when I am dressing and preparing for my day in the morning this is what saves me from insanity and feeling overwhelmed the power that fashion has or alter my appearance in the manner in which I want. The power that music has to alter my attitude and self image is insurmountable. So when I go out into the world I am confident and fancy free.The real and honest way I take care of myself in spite of the overwhelming adversities that face me is simply identifying what inspires me in life and holding on to that.

Within the past 16 months I've become fascinated with lingerie almost to a point beyond obsession. Partition was the drive behind that, I was able to appreciate my own body in an extremely intimate way that I never have before. And Bitch Better Have My Money allowed me to express an authoritative ruthless side of me that society doesn't appreciate in women or see as feminine. People often police my body and what I wear I'm told that my skirts are too short or swimsuits are too revealing. I believe that people think somehow because I'm trans I have to be more modest because my existence is radical enough. Another factor is my height. I am 5'10 and my legs are about 60 percent of my body so it may seem like I am showing more skin but in reality I am not. When I suffer with the imperfections of my body Work That by Mary J Blige is there to remind me that who I am now in the present is perfection and it's not necessary for me to conform to any idea of beauty. 

My world of music and fashion allows me to escape that and use and reveal my body in whatever way I want. Partition helped me feel so comfortable in my own skin and become comfortable showing as much or as little skin as I wanted. My body is mine and I do whatever the hell I want with my body. Music and fashion have been the greatest teachers and aids to self care and I wouldn't exist without either
of them.






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